Good mornin’ America! It’s Sunday, which means another blog post from yours truly. This week, I have been reading Their Eyes Were Watching God by Zora Neale Hurston, and a phrase which struck me from the foreword of the novel was;
There is no agony like bearing an untold story inside you
On the 1st of January 2019, I gave myself a deadline. I told myself that on the 31st of December 2019, Cold and Dark would FINALLY be complete. Written, edited, sent out for feedback, polished and done.
Cold and Dark is nowhere near complete. I tell myself every year that this is the year I finally finish the book that makes me feel alive. The book that truly shows what I am capable of creating, and I mean this only for myself. The only person I want to prove that I am truly a writer to is myself. Self doubt of course.
I am dying to finish Cold and Dark. I am dying to see this world that I created in my mind in print form. I am dying to release myself from it, as well as release it from me. Finally, it is its own thing. It’s free from me. I can share it with others. The day I finish Cold and Dark is going to be the second best day of my life. The first was the day I saw my city for the first time in ten years. Cold and Dark is so complex that when I finally accomplish finishing it, I am going to feel like a monster. A monster destroys, right? However a monster is also powerful and strong, and that is how I am going to feel. Kind of like Dr. Frankenstein.
Even though Cold and Dark is far from being complete by the end of this year, I have high hopes for another book that I’m working on. Inspired by Hemingway’s fragmented short stories, I am writing The Immortal Chronicles. Based on an imaginary character I created in my head, the Immortal is the protector of mankind and has a lot of abilities. She’s selfless, determined, strong, powerful and physically unstoppable. She wants to help the world and protect people. She wants to put people’s needs first. She doesn’t care about herself and is not ambitious. She’s all of the things I wish I could be.
These scenes in my head bothered me. I thought I was weird to have these scenes, like I was living in this dream-world. I felt like I was a child and was not capable of facing reality. I never knew that these scenes were actually subconsciously a metaphor for my experiences in life. When I finished writing out the scenes, I felt renewed. I realized something about myself that was always in my head for years. Now, I don’t picture the Immortal in my mind anymore. She’s free and I’m free from her.
Initially, The Immortal Chronicles was only going to based on the Immortal and her experiences, however I decided to add more scenes that have underlying meanings to me. Every character in the book is a different version of who I want to be.
I’m excited to finish this project. I had go through some difficult times to start to write this book. For years I have tried to write about the Immortal but I was never capable. She is too personal for me to express. We go through some experiences in life that effect us so deeply. The Immortal’s story is my story, a story that has been in my head for years. I am so relieved that finally I can share her with others. That’s the writer’s joy; sharing their work with others. We are artists who want readers to feel what we feel, to be in our worlds and see what we see. That is why the quote above struck me.
We all have a story to tell, just like Janie in Their Eyes Were Watching God. Sometimes you can’t tell anyone. Sometimes you don’t know how to express yourself to be able to tell it. Sometimes you just need a notebook and a pen. One thing’s for sure though; never stop writing. Tell your story.