New York City. There are many words that one can associate to New York City. Smelly. Dirty. Buildings. Skyscrapers. Taxis. Cafes. Restaurants. Parks. Tiny apartments. Shopping. Beauty. Yes, beauty. New York City is charming. It has its own form of beauty. It’s wild and rude and hectic and full of opportunity. New York City is hard and expensive.
I want to settle in New York City. So many people tell me that it’s expensive and it’s hard to make enough money to pay rent but how do thousands of people live in the city then? They make it, someway, somehow. You see if I wanted to, I could choose to live a regular life in Malta making money. No struggle. A simple life. Build a regular career in Malta. But you see, if you want something big you have to work for it and that requires suffering. You can’t have everything in life. You have to give up small unnecessary things to get big things. New York City requires this and it’s worth it. Living in New York City and making it is a privilege. You will not find a city like New York City anywhere else in the world. Some of the people may be mean, rude and greedy and the city smells bad sometimes but it’s the city and it’s got its charm. I have spent this entire week walking around New York City and New York City is a feeling. It’s a lifestyle. It’s a way of being.
New York City is the place to be! If you are an artist of any form and expression, there is opportunity in New York City. There are societies and classes and ways to make things work. As a writer, where else can I make something out of myself if not in New York City?
Furthermore, it’s my home. It’s my roots. I don’t fit in in Malta. I’m different because I want different things. I’m ambitious. In New York, I can make something out of myself and I can be myself. No one will judge me in New York City. I love that. I love the busy life there. I love the buildings and the skyscrapers. I love the simple things in the city like crossing the street and catching the subway. I’m going to miss the subway. Transport in the city is so efficient! I love efficiency! Malta, you need to work on this.
And so, today I have to leave New York City for a second time. I am leaving because I have to, not because I want to. I am not saying goodbye to New York. This isn’t goodbye. This is see you soon. Soon. I desperately cannot wait to come back and settle. I want to settle in New York. I was settled in Michigan but I had to leave there too. I’m tired of Malta and I’m tired of considering Malta temporary. Now I just want something permanent. I want my own apartment in the city. Soon.
I dearly miss Michigan. I miss the life I had there even though it was very different to what I am used to. I miss my friends. I miss my room. I miss the lounge. I miss the good times we had.
When I visited New York in August, I cried so much when I saw my old home, 318. It hasn’t changed much. New York City has upgraded within these past ten years but some aspects of it haven’t changed. Visiting 318 again this week, I felt like I was visiting an old friend. An old friend.
When I’m in Malta, all I can think about is New York City and how much I want to go back. But when I’m in New York City, I’m there and nothing else matters. Malta doesn’t matter. When I’m in New York City, I can just live and move forward. That’s what I want. To move forward. I will get there. I will get New York City and make it.