Things are changing from day to day. If there’s one thing this pandemic has taught us it’s that.
A part of me believes that we must try to live our lives as normally as possible. Yet another part of me sees the numbers increasing and I keep getting frustrated that nothing is being done. Cuz this is what I believe in – I’m fed up of coronavirus. And really, things have not gotten better.
What I’ve been questioning is the whole transmission of information because the reality is that there is so much possibility for disinformation.
I think we should believe our governments. I think we should believe in science. I think we should be responsible. But it’s so hard to believe things that are constantly being discredited. What coronavirus has done to us is completely question our authorities. We are living in a day and age that has brought democracy to its knees and it’s at court. We are the judges. And there are so many judges in the world – each and every one of us with big mouths. And democracy isn’t winning. Science is an accessory in the crime. Governments can fabricate whatever they want “science” to prove because it has the power to do so. And things shouldn’t be like that. Science is and should be the voice of reason and yet we are so sceptical. This is our new reality. Living, not in fear of a virus, but in a world where there’s disinformation.
These are times where we cannot be on a side when there’s a lot going on and people we can’t trust are in power. The virus exists – we cannot be dumb enough to think otherwise. But what it all entails I’m not sure. And I’m so tired. I’m frustrated. We all are.
And why did these numbers skyrocket? We can’t really blame one institution (government or general public). People still met up, irrelevant of cafes and restaurants. And things are not so clear cut as we want them to be. We want to have faith in science and in the general public’s reasoning but these things don’t hold hands. People still do whatever the hell they want to do. People reason and talk with so many different agendas.
Here’s what’s funny though. This isn’t the movies. We are in the movie. What makes this pandemic any different to other pandemics are three things: 1) we’re spoiled and impatient, 2) people talk too much and 3) we think we’re smart but we’re all completely lost. If only people just shut up and stop spreading disinformation, I swear, corona life wouldn’t be as bad. I’m tired of hearing this and that and it’s hard to avoid in Malta.
And I’ve become the person I don’t want to be. Someone who doesn’t have hope. Because we can’t do anything except hope. Hope is just a fabrication of the mind, a blind motivator, an illusion to survive. When you simply hope, you don’t get anywhere. Hope is an excuse. I guess I’m settling for all this, whatever agenda this coronavirus has for us, and if that means staying home and meeting very very few people – so be it.
This makes me think of William Stoner’s life, although fictional, was unremarkable and depressing. But he wasn’t depressed. No, William Stoner settled. He accepted his life and he didn’t fight. Lately, I’ve had one or two people tell me: don’t fight things, don’t oppose things, embrace them and take action. Yet, when it seems like everything’s against you, how can you embrace your harsh reality and let it crush you? How can you settle and just “take action” by living a mundane life full of painful acceptance? Godamnit, all I’ve ever done for myself within these past eleven years is fight for myself. Fight for my identity. Fight for my opinions. And fight for what I believe in. But I can’t fight the world. And I can’t fight corona. And everything really sucks. Should we all be William Stoner? Would that relieve us of this unbeatable battle called life? Especially when there’s corona lurking around dictating how we have to live, well, survive, this pathetic life. And this is why books tell us a lie, over and over again, that we believe because that lie is a reflection of our ugly world that we do not want to accept as the truth.
This post is all over the place. I know. I’ve been all over the place this week. A lot of shit went down. And I’m trying to pick myself up. Little by little. It’s not easy when you’re trying to get up and there’s no hand to help you. And I wonder if this is what the world is trying to do to me, crush me, only to get up stronger. Maybe. So here’s my thoughts. We tell each other to keep safe but I think it is the space in our minds that we really ought to take care of. If you need help, get help. You’ve only got you so try to bare it.