Gosh, it feels so weird to be writing here. I cannot believe it has been three months since I last typed something up here, or even accessed my blog. I really have put this blog to the side and now, after everything that has happened these last three months, I feel like I had to push myself to get back on here.
I’m just tired. I’m tired of working. I’m even tired of writing! So here’s what happened in three months. I decided to take a break from my blog because I’m the type that insists on getting things done the proper way and the last thing I want is to publish crappy writing on my blog. I had a lot to focus on with my academic studies. My thesis deadline was approaching, I was doing a TEFL course in six weeks, and I had to handover my student organization, Insite, to the next editor. That was only April.
May was more relaxed however I had plenty of assignments which I was dreading, as well as preparing for Synoptics. What joy. June was just exams for me and finalizing assignments. My Synoptics were crazy tiring. Imagine writing six essays in 24 hours about theory you were never properly taught in class. And the textbooks we were told to read weren’t much help either. Discourse was fine since I have a Linguistics background, and Irony was ok although tough, so I’m mainly referring to Contemporary Mythology. You’re probably thinking: what the hell does that even mean? After writing so many exams and assignments (let’s not forget my 12,000 word thesis hehe), I don’t feel like typing or writing anything that’s longer than 200 words! Do you blame me for not even wanting to write on this blog? But I know that comfort is dangerous and writing really makes me think so HERE I AM.
July was meant to be the start of summer for me. Yeah, didn’t exactly work that way. Again, I’m the type of person who takes pride in my work, who loves to work and the busier I am, the better. Every summer, I dip myself back into working and I always manage to find a balance between going out, working and me-time. I started off the summer working for an English school in Malta which turned out to be a stressful experience. The school was a mess. I couldn’t take it and quit. I’m not the type to quit but damn, this job wasn’t worth it. Commuting every day to Malta was tiresome. I wasn’t getting enough sleep, had to plan lessons, correct worksheets and fill in documentation.
I got to the point where I told myself: why am I doing this? Why am I working like crazy during these two months of summer? It’s just two months!! Am I really going to prioritize making some money when I’ve got the rest of my life to work and save up?
Upon reflection, I realized that I’m not the same person I was last summer or summers before that. This summer, I’m burnout, tired and in desperate need to give myself a break. You’d think it would be easy. Ha, no. For someone used to being on the go all the time, I found it difficult to cut down hours of working. Last weekend, I worked at the San Gorg feast bartending and I was getting four hours of sleep working double shifts since I was also doing my waitressing job. Again, it hit me how I put myself into these situations and work myself to death. And now, Monday morning, feeling fresh as a daisy, finally a day off, I want to relax. I want to relax all summer long. I don’t want to do anything extra. Just read, write (a bit), and go to the beach.
And here’s another thing – I’m craving the beach. Now, I’m not a summer person. I hate the heat and I hate how tired you get in the summer. In Maltese we say: “mahlula”. I mean, I was also raised in a city so swimming isn’t something I’m naturally into. I usually feel like going to the beach since not going to the beach on an island would be hella weird. Yet, this summer, I want to go to the beach whenever I possibly can. I feel so at peace when I’m swimming. It’s like my body is getting a well-deserved massage. Feels nice.
My summer only started three weeks ago, however it feels like half of it has already passed. Maybe it’s cause I was working a lot. What’s for sure is that I’m still transitioning from my studies into relaxed summer mode. Usually, I transition into work mode but scratch that. And you’d think it would be easy to relax but I don’t know how to relax. It is these past few weeks that I realized, mentally and physically, I need to take a break. I need to enjoy myself. And I know I deserve it. We all deserve this time – each and every student. Especially those who are graduating this year like myself. Give yourself a break.
So, yes, I’m back here in this space. There’s so much I want to write on here. I need to collect my thoughts and map it all out. Keep your eyes peeled. Here. Every Sunday.